At some time or another, all of us come to a point where we feel like we have no idea who we are, where we’re going, or even why we made the decisions that we did in the past. It can happen at any time but it often happens during times of major life transition, such as losing a job or starting a new one, at the start or more likely at the end of a relationship, or when your children leave home for any reason. So is losing yourself an old age issue. Nope…it’s more like an age-old issue. That’s why philosophers as far back as Plato have been dealing with these kinds of philosophical thoughts and trying to come up with answers as to how to manage them.
The quality of your life is all about how you think…how you perceive each situation. How you think about a situation will affect 100% how you feel about that situation and therefore, how you feel about your life. Two people in the exact same situation can have completely different thoughts about what they each perceive as reality. Take the example of going to a party. You love it, your husband hates it. Your husband loves the food, you hate it. It’s the same party, but each of you have different expectations, different preconceived notions, and different taste, so you perceive each situation in life differently.
When it comes to our own life, we get caught up in our own thoughts, which is equivalent to our own reality. During times of transition, which can be brought on by anything, what once seemed like it was working, no longer seems to work. Change is imminent. A very common situation for many women is when our children are all out of the house for the first time we feel different, even lost. We now face living in the empty nest. Whether a woman has stayed at home with the children for many years or if she was working during all or part of that time, life is about to change dramatically.
Most women, although clearly not all women, get very caught up in the life of each of their children. We love them and want to make sure all goes well in their life. Then they become teenagers and understandably seek independence and so begins the battle. Finally, when they go to college or leave home to start a life outside the home that they grew up in, many women feel a loss. For some it can be the equivalent of a break up…even if you know that your adult child is moving on to bigger and better things. And when the last child leaves home, it can feel very empty.
Now you have to face the reality of who you are, who you were before they were born and how to combine that into who you will become. This is not always an easy task, especially if you are in an emotional state when you have to begin. Know this…you are not alone. Women have been facing this since the beginning of time. That doesn’t make it better, but knowing that women before you have successfully made the transition can give you hope.
Like everything else in life, you have the choice of how to think about this situation. You can choose to think of this time as a loss or you can choose to think of this time as an opportunity to do more of the things that you love to do. You can choose to think of this as a time of emptiness or you can choose to fill this time with friends, hobbies or relaxing. And while the answer isn’t always so simple, and will take time and a bit of work, the transition will come about slowly but surely. So why not take the time to think about what you want to create and how you will go about creating it. We all move into the future and things change. So focus on the change you want to see, and on the things that you have control over. Day by day, you can make it happen.
For additional information on how to create change in your life, read our article entitled Create Your World.
Good luck and enjoy life everyday!